“The quality of your communication is the quality of your life.”
–Anthony Robbins.
People come from different backgrounds and have different experiences, which can lead to many assumptions and misunderstandings. Not everyone can read minds or body language or get what you were saying: the delivery was there, but how it landed differed from what you expected.
Keeping this in mind, you want to ensure you ask prodding questions and have the other person occasionally repeat what you said to see how the message was delivered. Did it land the way you expected it to land? This ensures that both are on the same page.
FIVE SIGNS YOU ARE ON THE GREEN TRACK.
- Listen to understand. Don’t listen to just hear them out. Listen to understand where they are coming from. Not to find a response but to know what timeline they stand on so you can meet them there.
- Be present with your partner or with the person you are speaking to. Give them your undivided attention and presence, and don’t go somewhere else.
- The person actively listening would ask clarifying questions to confirm what was said.
- The people involved both clarify their intentions with each other. They ensure that they are not left feeling like they don’t know where they stand on any topic they may be discussing while also respecting each other worldviews.
- Give them the space to allow them to express themselves authentically without having to judge them. Open your home to them. Invite them in. Don’t let them just stand in the doorway to close the door on them when you hear something you dislike. This often happens on an energetic level. Can you recall when you felt so comfortable with someone and then very uncomfortable with others?
- This last one is relevant, but many times when one speaks, they speak to be able to judge or analyze or have something to say instead of actually just providing them the space to be themselves and allow them to express themselves fully.
- Give the person the space to express themselves without energetically interfering or blocking them. While a person’s appearance may be very good at it, a person’s energy cannot be deceived. Society has trained us well for this. Sit with that.
“Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy, and mutual valuing.”
-Rollo May.
Communication is crucial in a romantic relationship and all areas of life. First, one has to be aware of their modes of communication. How do they she/he tends to communicate to understand better how to go from there? And do these styles flip in non-romantic relationships? Any patterns?
FIVE COMMON MISTAKES IN COMMUNICATION.
- Point out someone’s vulnerabilities during heated conversations or share their vulnerabilities to others that were sacredly shared with you.
- Dismissing your partner’s emotions or wishes.
- Dishonesty, even omitting something that should have been said, especially if you want your partner to understand truly. Ensuring your partner captured what you were telling them.
- Expecting something from your partner without ever communicating the desire/ need / want and then getting upset instead of talking it out.
- Being physically present but mentally and emotionally somewhere else.
RESOLVING THE FIVE (5) COMMON MISCOMMUNICATIONS.
- Use “I” statements. Express yourself freely without blaming.
- Take a breather – link to Wim Hof. Go out in nature or walk before entering a hard conversation.
- Reflect. What you could have worked on or could have done differently.
- Come back to the previous conversation(s) and clarify any misunderstandings.
- Ask your partner what the best mode and way is actually to communicate with each other.
Sit with this quote for a little and see where are areas you didn’t catch what was not said:
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.”
-Peter Drucker
FINAL THOUGHTS.
As individuals, we each have our own unique upbringings and worldviews that shape our perspectives. It is important to recognize these differences to go where they are and connect with them.
It may not be the best location to meet, but like a dinner date – you are meeting them for a conversation-connection – temporarily, and then you can return home.
You may like the person and go on another date. If not, simply move on respectfully. If anything, exploring the newfound world(s) can be an opportunity for personal growth and understanding, helping you gain a clearer sense of where you stand.
“Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.”
– Paulo Coelho.
